Yesterday Sullivan started pre-school! We were so excited and knew he would love it. He kept saying he did not want to go but I knew he was just nervous. Anyway, that morning he got dressed, got his backpack, his show and tell toy and we headed out to the car. Once we got out there he pitched a fit because he wanted to ride with our neighbors. Samantha goes to his school and it is also their family church. Oh and it is catholic! I am SO not catholic! That is OK though. There is somthing about Catholic school that I really like. I do hope they teach prayers, OK maybe not ready for rosary yet but blessings, about Jesus etc... I am not worried I really am not, I am thrilled! Anyway, I called Ann and we rode with them. Sully was fine and so was I. We got to school and he marched right in, hung up his backpack (in the wrong spot but he will learn that his name is Sullivan not Logan) The teached took him to his seat and he was good! I turned in my check and folder and kissed him bye. Turned to take a picture and he was sobbing! It broke my heart right in half. I can leave him at the gym crying, or at a friends house but this was school and it was new and it took everything I had to hold back tears and not pick him up and take him home with me. Self control mama! So I took him aside, told him he was OK, to stop crying and go have fun. He tried hard to stop crying and be a big boy. I led him back to his chair, took one last picture and walked away with a GIGANTIC lump in my throat and tears waiting to stream down my face. As soon as I walked out of the door the waterworks was turned on and I couldn't stop it. I felt so...sad, so...free in a strange way, so...alone. I wasn't alone, I was in the car with Ann, my very sweet neighbor and friend but, I was so used to having him with me every day, every minute, every second. I was supposed to feel liberated but I felt lost. It took a while to calm down. I was really surprised at my emotions. I thought it would be so easy. He is only going for 2 days a week and half days! This is good for him, great for me. It is not THAT big of a deal. But, leaving there with my baby in tears...was a huge deal. It was a long 3 hours. Luckily I had lots of editing to do. So I worked. I was ready with pocketbook over shoulder at 11:25 to walk out the door. It takes me about 6 minutes to get there and school gets out of 12:00. I paced. I couldn't wait to see his sweet face. Would he cry when he saw me? Would he be happy and love it? When I got there I was 5th in the pick up line. Mommy-guilt kicked in. I should have been there first or at least second. What kind of mommy am I? At 12:02 they came out. I saw 3 kids but not him. I wanted him to see me so bad and know I was there to get him. Finally I saw him and he was looking for me. He saw me and the grin and excitement that went across him face when I waved at him was unforgetable. It was worth it all! It fixed my broken heart, right there in that very instance. I watched him hang with 2 other kids and when it was our turn his teacher Mrs. Lynn put him in the car and said he did great! I thought pride was going to ooze out of my ears and nose. I was one happy mama! He was a happy boy. But...he would not tell me anything about it. He said he did not do the pledge of alligiance, he did not participate in show in tell, he said they did not play games and he did not want to go back. He just did not want to talk about school. Luckily I have lots of mommy friends who said their kid did the same thing. At least he is normal right? He is asleep now and so excited about school tomorrow. I am pretty stinking excited too! Excited for him to have a good time, to make new friends, to learn and to grow! Excited for me to have the opportunity to work on my photography and hopefully grow my business. Plus it will be kind of nice to have "me time". This was the first time since Sullivan was born that I have been in my own house for over an hour with out him here. I will learn to love it I know I will. Every aspect of it. I just hope he does not cry tomorrow.
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