It's so hard to say goodbye...

Yep, after 30 something days (whose counting?) it was time to say goodbye.  Again.  This time for 12 long months.  We were all dreading it but knew like taking off a bandaid it had to be done.  Mike was packed except for those last minute things.  We were going to take his luggage and check it in early so we could some what enjoy our day.  His flight was at midnight on Tuesday.  After a stressful evening we both woke up extra emotional.  I could not hold back the tears.  Then the thoughtful text messages, e-mails, facebook messages and phone calls started.  Each one, breaking our hearts and filling it with love at the same time.  I was trying hard to be strong for Mike.  I knew that he has to kiss all 3 of us goodbye and make that walk to the plane as we surely cried.  He had a long flight and some long days ahead of him.  I could not be strong.  I just could not do it.  Neither could he.  We struggled.  We cried.  We hugged.  We decided to take his stuff and try to make our last day for a year a good one.  We were going to eat lunch at a little place he always wanted to try.  So we headed to the airport, both full of dread.  Once we hauled all his stuff in we were told beautiful news....FLIGHT DELAYED 24 HOURS!!!!  It was like the Lord knew exactly what we needed, one more day.  I have no doubt that that is exactly what happened.  So off we went with our chins a little higher and our eyes a little dryer!  We ate lunch at Taste and headed to the beach.  We felt free, together, in love, connected, happy, in the moment, peaceful...  The rest of the day could not have been more perfect!  And to top it off, it was Mason's first real trip to the beach.  He was not a big fan but enjoyed himself anyway.  We went to a nice dinner, out to ice cream and headed home for a good nights sleep.  The day was perfect!!!  We had a long emotional day the next day.

 We woke up Wednesday feeling better.  Still dreading the goodbyes but so thankful for that day.  We ran some errands and enjoyed a good dinner at home.  And, it was time to go.  We got to the airport and sat around waiting to board.  So many families were there going back to where they are stationed.  I remember being that mom.  The one who traveled home via MAC flight to see the family with the kids in tow.  I have wonderful memories of it.  As we waited, the boys gave Daddy a little gift  for his room.  Sullivan gave him a baseball with his hand print on it in blue (his favorite color).  He wrote on the ball, I love you Daddy.  Sullivan 2012.  Mason gave him a ball from his ball pit with his hand print that said Mason 2012.  And the tears started.  We were one of few saying goodbye to someone so Mike stayed back and was the VERY LAST person to board the plane.  We hugged and we hugged some more.  We cried and we cried some more.  And then he had to make that dreaded walk, away from his family.  Away from his 5 year old who thinks he hung the moon and put the stars in the sky who was sobbing, who just does not understand.  He could not hold us and tell us it was going to be alright.  I wanted to hold him and assure him we would be alright.  He could not make sure we got home ok.  He has to sit on that plane and wonder how we were and hopefully sleep.  My heart broke for him.  My heart broke for Sullivan who just did not understand why he had to go.  Once he was out of sight, I held Sully and we cried.  Mason ran circles around the room not having a clue.  Then we hurried out of the building to watch his plane fly off.  Mason was asleep with in 2 minute of being in his seat.  And off they went.  We waved goodbye as if he could see us and headed home. Sullivan was asleep by the time we got home.  We will not even go into the part where I got lost going home and had to stop at a 7-11 and ask a police office to direct me towards home. I made it home safe and sound.  The house felt so empty, so lonely.  I hate not being able to reach him when I need to, not being able to touch him or just talk to him.  But, I am thankful.  I am incredibly thankful that he is alive and well.  I am thankful that we are all healthy and safe.  I am thankful that while I could use a break occasionally I get to raise our children.  I get to dress them, feed them, rock them to sleep.  I get to read them books, play ball with them and kiss their boo boos.  I get to say prayers with them, hold them when they are sad, make sure they brush their teeth, teach them to be kind.  I get to stay in my house, in my country, with my car and my dog and live my life. While I miss Mike terribly I feel like I got the lucky part of this deal.  He has to leave his family, move to a new country, start a new job, try to be Daddy with a 7 hour time difference, try to be hubby with many miles between us.  He will feel lonely in a way I won't.  He will miss many and we will miss one.  I am not saying that my job is easy but, it sure makes it easier to support him, to love him, knowing that his sacrifice is much larger than mine.  This year he will not only miss birthdays and baseball games but he will miss Anna's dance competitions and her first year as a teenager, he will miss Sullivan lose more teeth, Mason start to talk, Mason's surgery, anniversaries, family reunions, Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Sullivan going to first grade, summer cookouts, evenings at the pool, summer bike rides, Christmas shopping and much, much more.  We are incredibly thankful for technology as it will make the distance seem less.  We are incredibly thankful for our friends and family for all the support we have been given already.  You guys have been amazing!  We are incredibly thankful for our relationship and the foundation that we have and we are incredibly thankful for that day that made it a little easier to say goodbye.  Thank you Lord for knowing exactly what we needed not just that day but everyday. We have made some wonderful memories that will help us through this year and one day this year will be a memory too.  I plan to make it a good one.  Why waste a year when we don't have too?  Mike has been able to watch Sullivan play baseball through Skype, field day at school and just about anything we want to make him a part of.  It won't be a cake walk of a year but, it will still be wonderful.  And when he is home safely and our family is complete again....we will be even more thankful than we are today.